he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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