I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
