Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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