I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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