you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize