if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
