Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
