If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
