so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
