he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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