we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
