So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize