Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
