Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
