You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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