Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
