I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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