Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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