You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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