I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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