I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
