So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
