Michael Bay diarrhea
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
