1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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