Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
