Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
