i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
