Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
