my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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