So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it because I queefed?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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