My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
