I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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