so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
