I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
