all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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