I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
PANTIES FOUND
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