He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
