Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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