Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
