You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Barsexuality is the new black.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
