I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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