thus making me awesome and them whores
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
