We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
