dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
