The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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