I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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