hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
