Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize