Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
