drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
