do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
