I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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