last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
