Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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