She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
