The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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