It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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