Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
