I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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