White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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