and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
