I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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