She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize