it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
