If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
