Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
