now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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