we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
