I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
